From alt.folklore.computers Fri Oct 2 18:49:08 1992 Path: daimi!dkuug!sunic!mcsun!uknet!stl!bnrgate!corpgate!news.utdallas.edu!wupost!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!caen!nic.umass.edu!news.amherst.edu!twpierce From: twpierce@unix.amherst.edu (Tim Pierce) Newsgroups: alt.folklore.computers Subject: Re: Real men don't use Pascal Message-ID: Date: 1 Oct 92 20:23:09 GMT References: <1992Sep29.042314.12022@cheops.qld.tne.oz.au> Organization: Amherst College, Amherst MA Lines: 608 In article eru@tnso04.tele.nokia.fi (Erkki Ruohtula) writes: >In article <1992Sep29.042314.12022@cheops.qld.tne.oz.au> logier@cheops.qld.tne.oz.au (Rob Logie) writes: >>Real Programmers Don't Use PASCAL >...repost of famous article deleted... > >Thanks, but this version is missing the bibliography! Is there a >more complete ASCII file around? Here's nroff output from coma.cs.tu-berlin.de:/pub/nickel/real.tr. You may want to "sed -e 's/.^H//g'" if your terminal or printer is not up to overstriking or underlining. ``Real Programmers Don't Use PASCAL'' Ed Post, ``Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal'', DATAMATION, July 1983, pp. 263-265 (Readers' Forum). Back in the good old days - the ``Golden Era'' of comput- ers, it was easy to separate the men from the boys (sometimes called ``Real Men'' and ``Quiche Eaters'' in the literature). During this period, the Real Men were the ones that understood computer programming, and the Quiche Eaters were the ones that didn't. A real computer programmer said things like ``DO 10 I=1,10'' and ``ABEND'' (they actually talked in capital letters, you understand), and the rest of the world said things like ``computers are too complicated for me'' and ``I can't relate to computers - they're so impersonal''. (A previous work [1] points out that Real Men don't ``relate'' to anything, and aren't afraid of being impersonal.) But, as usual, times change. We are faced today with a world in which little old ladies can get computers in their mi- crowave ovens, 12-year-old kids can blow Real Men out of the wa- ter playing Asteroids and Pac-Man, and anyone can buy and even understand their very own Personal Computer. The Real Programmer is in danger of becoming extinct, of being replaced by high- school students with TRASH-80's. There is a clear need to point out the differences between the typical high-school junior Pac-Man player and a Real Programmer. If this difference is made clear, it will give these kids something to aspire to - a role model, a Father Figure. It will also help explain to the employers of Real Programmers why it would be a mistake to replace the Real Programmers on their staff with 12-year-old Pac-Man players (at a considerable salary savings). Languages The easiest way to tell a Real Programmer from the crowd is by the programming language he (or she) uses. Real Program- mers use FORTRAN. Quiche Eaters use PASCAL. Nicklaus Wirth, the designer of PASCAL, gave a talk once at which he was asked ``How do you pronounce your name?''. He replied, ``You can either call me by name, pronouncing it `Veert', or call me by value, `Worth'.'' One can tell immediately from this comment that Nick- laus Wirth is a Quiche Eater. The only parameter passing mechan- ism endorsed by Real Programmers is call-by-value-return, as im- plemented in the IBM\370 FORTRAN-G and H compilers. Real pro- grammers don't need all these abstract concepts to get their jobs done - they are perfectly happy with a keypunch, a FORTRAN IV compiler, and a beer. o+ Real Programmers do List Processing in FORTRAN. o+ Real Programmers do String Manipulation in FORTRAN. o+ Real Programmers do Accounting (if they do it at all) in FORTRAN. o+ Real Programmers do Artificial Intelligence programs in FOR- TRAN. If you can't do it in FORTRAN, do it in assembly language. If you can't do it in assembly language, it isn't worth doing. Structured Programming The academics in computer science have gotten into the ``structured programming'' rut over the past several years. They claim that programs are more easily understood if the programmer uses some special language constructs and techniques. They don't all agree on exactly which constructs, of course, and the exam- ples they use to show their particular point of view invariably fit on a single page of some obscure journal or another - clearly not enough of an example to convince anyone. When I got out of school, I thought I was the best programmer in the world. I could write an unbeatable tic-tac-toe program, use five different computer languages, and create 1000-line programs that _w_o_r_k_e_d (Really!). Then I got out into the Real World. My first task in the Real World was to read and understand a 200,000-line FORTRAN program, then speed it up by a factor of two. Any Real Program- mer will tell you that all the Structured Coding in the world won't help you solve a problem like that - it takes actual talent. Some quick observations on Real Programmers and Struc- tured Programming: o+ Real Programmers aren't afraid to use GOTO'_s. o+ _R_e_a_l _P_r_o_g_r_a_m_m_e_r_s _c_a_n _w_r_i_t_e _f_i_v_e-_p_a_g_e-_l_o_n_g _D_O loops without getting confused. o+ Real Programmers like Arithmetic IF _s_t_a_t_e_m_e_n_t_s - _t_h_e_y _m_a_k_e _t_h_e _c_o_d_e _m_o_r_e _i_n_t_e_r_e_s_t_i_n_g. o+ _R_e_a_l _P_r_o_g_r_a_m_m_e_r_s _w_r_i_t_e _s_e_l_f-_m_o_d_i_f_y_i_n_g _c_o_d_e, _e_s_p_e_c_i_a_l_l_y _i_f _t_h_e_y _c_a_n _s_a_v_e _2_0 _n_a_n_o_s_e_c_o_n_d_s _i_n _t_h_e _m_i_d_d_l_e _o_f _a _t_i_g_h_t _l_o_o_p. o+ _R_e_a_l _P_r_o_g_r_a_m_m_e_r_s _d_o_n'_t _n_e_e_d _c_o_m_m_e_n_t_s - _t_h_e _c_o_d_e _i_s _o_b_v_i_o_u_s. o+ _S_i_n_c_e _F_O_R_T_R_A_N _d_o_e_s_n'_t _h_a_v_e _a _s_t_r_u_c_t_u_r_e_d _I_F, REPEAT ... _U_N_- _T_I_L, or CASE _s_t_a_t_e_m_e_n_t, _R_e_a_l _P_r_o_g_r_a_m_m_e_r_s _d_o_n'_t _h_a_v_e _t_o _w_o_r_r_y _a_b_o_u_t _n_o_t _u_s_i_n_g _t_h_e_m. _B_e_s_i_d_e_s, _t_h_e_y _c_a_n _b_e _s_i_m_u_l_a_t_e_d _w_h_e_n _n_e_c_e_s_s_a_r_y _u_s_i_n_g _a_s_s_i_g_n_e_d _G_O_T_O's. Data Structures have also gotten a lot of press lately. Abstract Data Types, Structures, Pointers, Lists, and Strings have become popular in certain circles. Wirth (the above- mentioned Quiche Eater) actually wrote an entire book [2] con- tending that you could write a program based on data structures, instead of the other way around. As all Real Programmers know, the only useful data structure is the Array. Strings, lists, structures, sets - these are all special cases of arrays and can be treated that way just as easily without messing up your pro- gramming language with all sorts of complications. The worst thing about fancy data types is that you have to declare them, and Real Programming Languages, as we all know, have implicit typing based on the first letter of the (six character) variable name. Operating Systems What kind of operating system is used by a Real Program- mer? CP/M? God forbid - CP/M, after all, is basically a toy operating system. Even little old ladies and grade school stu- dents can understand and use CP/M. Unix is a lot more complicated of course - the typical Unix hacker never can remember what the PRINT command is called this week -, but when it gets right down to it, Unix is a glori- fied video game. People don't do Serious Work on Unix systems: they send jokes around the world on UUCP-net and write adventure games and research papers. No, your Real Programmer uses OS\370. A good programmer can find and understand the description of the IJK305I error he just got in his JCL manual. A great programmer can write JCL without referring to the manual at all. A truly outstanding pro- grammer can find bugs buried in a 6 megabyte core dump without using a hex calculator. (I have actually seen this done.) OS is a truly remarkable operating system. It's possible to destroy days of work with a single misplaced space, so alert- ness in the programming staff is encouraged. The best way to ap- proach the system is through a keypunch. Some people claim there is a Time Sharing system that runs on OS\370, but after careful study I have come to the conclusion that they were mistaken. Programming Tools What kind of tools does a Real Programmer use? In theory, a Real Programmer could run his programs by keying them into the front panel of the computer. Back in the days when com- puters had front panels, this was actually done occasionally. Your typical Real Programmer knew the entire bootstrap loader by memory in hex, and toggled it in whenever it got destroyed by his program. (Back then, memory was memory - it didn't go away when the power went off. Today, memory either forgets things when you don't want it to, or remembers things long after they're better forgotten.) Legend has it that Seymore Cray, inventor of the Cray I supercomputer and most of Control Data's computers, actually toggled the first operating system for the CDC7600 in on the front panel from memory when it was first powered on. Seymore, needless to say, is a Real Programmer. One of my favorite Real Programmers was a systems pro- grammer for Texas Instruments. One day he got a long distance call from a user whose system had crashed in the middle of saving some important work. Jim was able to repair the damage over the phone, getting the user to toggle in disk I/O instructions at the front panel, repairing system tables in hex, reading register contents back over the phone. The moral of this story: while a Real Programmer usually includes a keypunch and lineprinter in his toolkit, he can get along with just a front panel and a tele- phone in emergencies. In some companies, text editing no longer consists of ten engineers standing in line to use an 029 keypunch. In fact, the building I work in doesn't contain a single keypunch. The Real Programmer in this situation has to do his work with a ``text ed- itor'' program. Most systems supply several text editors to select from, and the Real Programmer must be careful to pick one that reflects his personal style. Many people believe that the best text editors in the world were written at Xerox Palo Alto Research Center for use on their Alto and Dorado computers [3]. Unfortunately, no Real Programmer would ever use a computer whose operating system is called SmallTalk, and would certainly not talk to the computer with a mouse. Some of the concepts in these Xerox editors have been in- corporated into editors running on more reasonably named operat- ing systems - EMACS and VI being two. The problem with these ed- itors is that Real Programmers consider ``what you see is what you get'' to be just as bad a concept in Text Editors as it is in women. No, the Real Programmer wants a ``you asked for it, you got it'' text editor - complicated, cryptic, powerful, unforgiv- ing, dangerous. TECO, to be precise. It has been observed that a TECO command sequence more closely resembles transmission line noise than readable text [4]. One of the more entertaining games to play with TECO is to type your name in as a command line and try to guess what it does. Just about any possible typing error while talking with TECO will probably destroy your program, or even worse - introduce subtle and mysterious bugs in a once working subroutine. For this reason, Real Programmers are reluctant to actu- ally edit a program that is close to working. They find it much easier to just patch the binary object code directly, using a wonderful program called SUPERZAP (or its equivalent on non-IBM machines). This works so well that many working programs on IBM systems bear no relation to the original FORTRAN code. In many cases, the original source code is no longer available. When it comes time to fix a program like this, no manager would even think of sending anything less than a Real Programmer to do the job - no Quiche Eating structured programmer would even know where to start. This is called ``job security''. Some programming tools NOT used by Real Programmers: o+ FORTRAN preprocessors like MORTRAN and RATFOR. The Cu- isinarts of programming - great for making Quiche. See com- ments above on structured programming. o+ Source language debuggers. Real Programmers can read core dumps. o+ Compilers with array bounds checking. They stifle creativi- ty, destroy most of the interesting uses for EQUIVALENCE, and make it impossible to modify the operating system code with negative subscripts. Worst of all, bounds checking is inefficient. o+ Source code maintenance systems. A Real Programmer keeps his code locked up in a card file, because it implies that its owner cannot leave his important programs unguarded [5]. The Real Programmer At Work Where does the typical Real Programmer work? What kind of programs are worthy of the efforts of so talented an individu- al? You can be sure that no Real Programmer would be caught dead writing accounts-receivable programs in COBOL, or sorting mailing lists for People magazine. A Real Programmer wants tasks of earth-shaking importance (literally!). o+ Real Programmers work for Los Alamos National Laboratory, writing atomic bomb simulations to run on Cray I supercom- puters. o+ Real Programmers work for the National Security Agency, decoding Russian transmissions. o+ It was largely due to the efforts of thousands of Real Pro- grammers working for NASA that our boys got to the moon and back before the Russkies. o+ Real Programmers are at work for Boeing designing the operating systems for cruise missiles. Some of the most awesome Real Programmers of all work at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in California. Many of them know the entire operating system of the Pioneer and Voyager spacecraft by heart. With a combination of large ground-based FORTRAN pro- grams and small spacecraft-based assembly language programs, they are able to do incredible feats of navigation and improvisation - hitting ten-kilometer wide windows at Saturn after six years in space, repairing or bypassing damaged sensor platforms, radios, and batteries. Allegedly, one Real Programmer managed to tuck a pattern-matching program into a few hundred bytes of unused memory in a Voyager spacecraft that searched for, located, and photographed a new moon of Jupiter. The current plan for the Galileo spacecraft is to use a gravity assist trajectory past Mars on the way to Jupiter. This trajectory passes within 80 +/-3 kilometers of the surface of Mars. Nobody is going to trust a PASCAL program (or a PASCAL programmer) for navigation to these tolerances. As you can tell, many of the world's Real Programmers work for the U.S. Government - mainly the Defense Department. This is as it should be. Recently, however, a black cloud has formed on the Real Programmer horizon. It seems that some highly placed Quiche Eaters at the Defense Department decided that all Defense programs should be written in some grand unified language called ``Ada'' (DoD). For a while, it seemed that Ada was des- tined to become a language that went against all the precepts of Real Programming - a language with structure, a language with data types, strong typing, and semicolons. In short, a language designed to cripple the creativity of the typical Real Program- mer. Fortunately, the language adopted by DoD has enough in- teresting features to make it approachable - it's incredibly com- plex, includes methods for messing with the operating system and rearranging memory, and Edsgar Dijkstra doesn't like it [6]. (Dijkstra, as I'm sure you know, was the author of ``GoTos Con- sidered Harmful'' - a landmark work in programming methodology, applauded by PASCAL programmers and Quiche Eaters alike.) Be- sides, the determined Real Programmer can write FORTRAN programs in any language. The Real Programmer might compromise his principles and work on something slightly more trivial than the destruction of life as we know it, providing there's enough money in it. There are several Real Programmers building video games at Atari, for example. (But not playing them - a Real Programmer knows how to beat the machine every time: no challenge in that.) Everyone working at LucasFilm is a Real Programmer. (It would be crazy to turn down the money of fifty million Star Trek fans.) The propor- tion of Real Programmers in Computer Graphics is somewhat lower than the norm, mostly because nobody has found a use for computer graphics yet. On the other hand, all computer graphics is done in FORTRAN, so there are a fair number of people doing graphics in order to avoid having to write COBOL programs. The Real Programmer At Play Generally, the Real Programmer plays the same way he works - with computers. He is constantly amazed that his em- ployer actually pays him to do what he would be doing for fun anyway (although he is careful not to express this opinion out loud). Occasionally, the Real Programmer does step out of the office for a breath of fresh air and a beer or two. Some tips on recognizing Real Programmers away from the computer room: o+ At a party, the Real Programmers are the ones in the corner talking about operating system security and how to get around it. o+ At a football game, the Real Programmer is the one comparing the plays against his simulations printed on 11 by 14 fan- fold paper. o+ At the beach, the Real Programmer is the one drawing flowcharts in the sand. o+ At a funeral, the Real Programmer is the one saying ``Poor George. And he almost had the sort routine working before the coronary.'' o+ In a grocery store, the Real Programmer is the one who in- sists on running the cans past the laser checkout scanner himself, because he never could trust keypunch operators to get it right the first time. The Real Programmer's Natural Habitat What sort of environment does the Real Programmer func- tion best in? This is an important question for the managers of Real Programmers. Considering the amount of money it costs to keep one on the staff, it's best to put him (or her) in an en- vironment where he can get his work done. The typical Real Programmer lives in front of a computer terminal. Surrounding this terminal are: o+ Listings of all programs the Real Programmer has ever worked on, piled in roughly chronological order on every flat sur- face in the office. o+ Some half-dozen or so partly filled cups of cold coffee. Occasionally, there will be cigarette butts floating in the coffee. In some cases, the cups will contain Orange Crush. o+ Unless he is very good, there will be copies of the OS JCL manual and the Principles of Operation open to some particu- larly interesting pages. o+ Taped to the wall is a line-printer Snoopy calendar for the year 1969. o+ Strewn about the floor are several wrappers for peanut butter filled cheese bars - the type that are made pre-stale at the bakery so they can't get any worse while waiting in the vending machine. o+ Hiding in the top left-hand drawer of the desk is a stash of double-stuff Oreos for special occasions. o+ Underneath the Oreos is a flowcharting template, left there by the previous occupant of the office. (Real Programmers write programs, not documentation. Leave that to the maintenance people.) The Real Programmer is capable of working 30, 40, even 50 hours at a stretch, under intense pressure. In fact, he prefers it that way. Bad response time doesn't bother the Real Program- mer - it gives him a chance to catch a little sleep between com- piles. If there is not enough schedule pressure on the Real Pro- grammer, he tends to make things more challenging by working on some small but interesting part of the problem for the first nine weeks, then finishing the rest in the last week, in two or three 50-hour marathons. This not only impresses the hell out of his manager, who was despairing of ever getting the project done on time, but creates a convenient excuse for not doing the documen- tation. In general: o+ No Real Programmer works 9 to 5 (unless it's the ones at night). o+ Real Programmers don't wear neckties. o+ Real Programmers don't wear high-heeled shoes. o+ Real Programmers arrive at work in time for lunch [9]. o+ A Real Programmer might or might not know his wife's name. He does, however, know the entire ASCII (or EBCDIC) code table. o+ Real Programmers don't know how to cook. Grocery stores aren't open at three in the morning. Real Programmers sur- vive on Twinkies and coffee. The Future What of the future? It is a matter of some concern to Real Programmers that the latest generation of computer program- mers are not being brought up with the same outlook on life as their elders. Many of them have never seen a computer with a front panel. Hardly anyone graduating from school these days can do hex arithmetic without a calculator. College graduates these days are soft - protected from the realities of programming by source level debuggers, text editors that count parentheses, and ``user friendly'' operating systems. Worst of all, some of these alleged ``computer scientists'' manage to get degrees without ever learning FORTRAN! Are we destined to become an industry of Unix hackers and PASCAL programmers? From my experience, I can only report that the future is bright for Real Programmers everywhere. Neither OS\370 nor FOR- TRAN show any signs of dying out, despite all the efforts of PAS- CAL programmers the world over. Even more subtle tricks, like adding structured coding constructs to FORTRAN have failed. Oh sure, some computer vendors have come out with FORTRAN 77 com- pilers, but every one of them has a way of converting itself back into a FORTRAN 66 compiler at the drop of an option card - to compile DO loops like God meant them to be. Even Unix might not be as bad on Real Programmers as it once was. The latest release of Unix has the potential of an operating system worthy of any Real Programmer - two different and subtly incompatible user interfaces, an arcane and complicat- ed teletype driver, virtual memory. If you ignore the fact that it's ``structured'', even 'C' programming can be appreciated by the Real Programmer: after all, there's no type checking, vari- able names are seven (ten? eight?) characters long, and the added bonus of the Pointer data type is thrown in - like having the best parts of FORTRAN and assembly language in one place. (Not to mention some of the more creative uses for #define.) No, the future isn't all that bad. Why, in the past few years, the popular press has even commented on the bright new crop of computer nerds and hackers ([7] and [8]) leaving places like Stanford and M.I.T. for the Real World. From all evidence, the spirit of Real Programming lives on in these young men and women. As long as there are ill-defined goals, bizarre bugs, and unrealistic schedules, there will be Real Programmers willing to jump in and Solve The Problem, saving the documentation for later. Long live FORTRAN! Acknowlegement I would like to thank Jan E., Dave S., Rich G., Rich E., for their help in characterizing the Real Programmer, Heather B. for the illustration, Kathy E. for putting up with it, and atd!avsdS:mark for the initial inspiration. References o+ Feirstein, B., ``Real Men don't Eat Quiche'', New York, Pocket Books, 1982. o+ Wirth, N., ``Algorithms + Data Structures = Programs'', Prentice Hall, 1976. o+ Ilson, R., ``Recent Research in Text Processing'', IEEE Trans. Prof. Commun., Vol. PC-23, No. 4, Dec. 4, 1980. o+ Finseth, C., ``Theory and Practice of Text Editors - or - a Cookbook for an EMACS'', B.S. Thesis, MIT/LCS/TM-165, Mas- sachusetts Institute of Technology, May 1980. o+ Weinberg, G., ``The Psychology of Computer Programming'', New York, Van Nostrand Reinhold, 1971, p. 110. o+ Dijkstra, E., ``On the GREEN language submitted to the DoD'', Sigplan notices, Vol. 3 No. 10, Oct 1978. o+ Rose, Frank, ``Joy of Hacking'', Science 82, Vol. 3 No. 9, Nov 82, pp. 58-66. o+ ``The Hacker Papers'', Psychology Today, August 1980. o+ sdcarl!lin, ``Real Programmers'', UUCP-net, Thu Oct 21 16:55:16 1982 Dictionary ABEND: The IBM term for ABortive END. It's what you do to bring the system down when all else fails. Also, (jokingly) the command issued to the system to enable the third-shift operators to leave early (from the german Guten Abend, mean- ing good evening). Real Men Don't Eat Quiche: It's a wonderful little booklet, describing, with a lot of humor, how a Modern Real Man can live in a world of quiche eaters. Cuisinart: State-of-the-art, and rather expensive, brand of food pro- cessor. Call-by-value-return: This is how FORTRAN compilers usually pass parameters to subroutines. It's not the same as call by reference (or by name), since you are not passing the addresses (references to) each individual parameter, but rather both the caller and the callee know where the parameter block is and deal with it appropriately. Arithmetic-IF statements: Computed GOTO: Assigned GOTO: `Interesting' FORTRAN constructs: An arithmetic if is a statement like this: IF (_e_x_p_r_e_s_s_i_o_n) _l_a_b_e_l_1, _l_a_b_e_l_2, _l_a_b_e_l_3. _I_f _e_x_p_r_e_s_s_i_o_n _e_v_a_l_u_a_t_e_s _t_o _n_e_g_a_t_i_v_e, _z_e_r_o, _o_r _p_o_s_i_t_i_v_e, _t_h_e _e_x_e_c_u_t_i_o_n _w_i_l_l _c_o_n_t_i_n_u_e _a_t _l_a_b_e_l_1, _l_a_b_e_l_2, _o_r _l_a_b_e_l_3, _r_e_s_p_e_c_t_i_v_e_l_y. _I_n _R_E_A_L _F_O_R_T_R_A_N, _o_f _c_o_u_r_s_e, _e_x_p_r_e_s_s_i_o_n _i_s _j_u_s_t _a_n _i_n_t_e_g_e_r _v_a_r_i_a_b_l_e! _A _c_o_m_p_u_t_e_d _G_O_T_O _i_s _l_i_k_e _t_h_e _O_N _G_O_T_O _i_n _B_A_S_I_C (_y_u_c_k!): _G_O_T_O (_l_a_b_e_l_1, _l_a_b_e_l_2,..., _l_a_b_e_l_n), _N _w_h_e_n _N _i_s _a_n _i_n_d_e_x _i_n_t_o _t_h_e _l_i_s_t _o_f _l_a_b_e_l_s. _I_f _N<_0 _o_r _N>_n _t_h_e _f_o_l_l_o_w_i_n_g _s_t_a_t_e_m_e_n_t _i_s _e_x_e_c_u_t_e_d. _A_n _a_s_s_i_g_n_e_d _G_O_T_O _i_s _a _b_i_t _d_i_f_f_e_r_e_n_t. _Y_o_u _c_a_n _a_s_s_i_g_n _a _l_a_b_e_l _t_o _a_n _i_n_t_e_g_e_r _v_a_r_i_- _a_b_l_e _u_s_i_n_g _t_h_e _A_S_S_I_G_N _s_t_a_t_e_m_e_n_t; _y_o_u _c_a_n _s_a_y _A_S_S_I_G_N _1_0 _T_O _I_F_O_O, _a_n_d _t_h_e_n _u_s_e _I_F_O_O _a_s _a _l_a_b_e_l (_e._g., _G_O_T_O _I_F_O_O). _T_h_e _G_O_T_O _I_F_O_O (_l_a_b_e_l_1, _l_a_b_e_l_2,...,_l_a_b_e_l_n) _s_t_a_t_e_m_e_n_t _b_r_a_n_c_h_e_s _t_o _t_h_a_t _l_a_b_e_l _m_a_t_c_h_e_d _b_y _I_F_O_O. _I_f _n_o_n_e _i_s _m_a_t_c_h_e_d, _e_x_e_c_u_t_i_o_n _c_o_n_t_i_n_u_e_s. _I_t'_s _u_s_e_d _w_h_e_n _I_F_O_O _c_a_n _h_a_v_e _b_e_e_n _s_e_t _t_o _a _v_a_r_i_e_t_y _o_f _l_a_b_e_l_s, _b_u_t _y_o_u _o_n_l_y _w_a_n_t _t_o _b_r_a_n_c_h _i_s _i_t _h_a_s _b_e_e_n _s_e_t _t_o _s_o_m_e _p_a_r_t_i_c_u_l_a_r _v_a_l_u_e_s. _Y_o_u _c_a_n _s_a_y _i_t'_s _a _s_e_t _m_e_m_b_e_r_s_h_i_p _o_p_e_r_a_t_i_o_n! _N_o_w, _h_o_w _m_a_n_y _C_S _s_e_n_i_o_r_s _k_n_o_w _t_h_a_t, _I _w_o_n_d_e_r! _C_P/_M: _C_o_n_t_r_o_l _P_r_o_g_r_a_m _f_o_r _M_i_c_r_o_c_o_m_p_u_t_e_r_s. _A _v_e_r_y _a_n_t_i_q_u_a_t_e_d (_c_a _1_9_7_8?) _r_u_d_i_m_e_n_t_a_r_y _o_p_e_r_a_t_i_n_g _s_y_s_t_e_m _f_o_r _8_0_8_0-_b_a_s_e_d _m_i_c_r_o_c_o_m_- _p_u_t_e_r_s. _W_o_u_l_d _h_a_v_e _b_e_e_n _p_i_c_k_e_d _u_p _b_y _I_B_M _i_n_s_t_e_a_d _o_f _M_S_D_O_S, (_t_h_e_n _c_a_l_l_e_d _Q_D_O_S) _h_a_d _t_h_e _p_r_e_s_i_d_e_n_t _o_f _D_i_g_i_t_a_l _R_e_s_e_a_r_c_h _n_o_t _b_e_e_n _o_u_t _t_o _l_u_n_c_h _w_i_t_h _i_n_s_t_r_u_c_t_i_o_n_s _n_o_t _t_o _b_e _i_n_t_e_r_r_u_p_t_e_d! _I_J_K_3_0_5_I: _I_B_M _m_e_s_s_a_g_e_s _a_r_e _u_s_u_a_l_l_y _t_h_r_e_e _l_e_t_t_e_r_s (_i_n_d_i_c_a_t_i_n_g _t_h_e _m_o_d_u_l_e _t_h_e _e_r_r_o_r _o_c_c_u_r_e_d _i_n), _f_o_l_l_o_w_e_d _b_y _a _n_u_m_b_e_r, _f_o_l_l_o_w_e_d _b_y _a _l_e_t_t_e_r _i_n_d_i_c_a_t_i_n_g _t_h_e _s_e_v_e_r_i_t_y _o_f _t_h_e _e_r_r_o_r. _I _i_s _I_n_- _f_o_r_m_a_t_i_o_n. _I_J_K _i_s _a _f_i_c_t_i_t_i_o_u_s _p_r_e_f_i_x. _T_h_e _c_l_o_s_e_s_t _t_o _t_h_a_t _o_n_e _i_s _I_K_J, _w_h_i_c_h _i_s _t_h_e _M_V_S (_t_h_e_n _O_S) _n_u_c_l_e_u_s, _i_f _m_y _m_e_m_o_r_y _s_e_r_v_e_s _m_e _r_i_g_h_t. (_I _a_c_t_u_a_l_l_y _t_r_i_e_d _t_o _l_o_o_k _u_p _t_h_i_s _m_e_s_s_a_g_e _w_h_e_n _I _w_a_s _w_o_r_k_i_n_g _f_o_r _I_B_M!) _O_r_a_n_g_e _C_r_u_s_h: _F_l_u_o_r_e_s_c_e_n_t-_o_r_a_n_g_e _c_o_l_o_r_e_d _l_i_q_u_i_d, _k_i_n_d _o_f _l_i_k_e _o_r_a_n_g_e _s_o_d_a _w_i_t_h_o_u_t _t_h_e _c_a_r_b_o_n_a_t_i_o_n. _G_r_o_s_s. _P_e_a_n_u_t-_b_u_t_t_e_r-_f_i_l_l_e_d-_c_h_e_e_s_e-_b_a_r_s: _V_e_n_d_i_n_g-_m_a_c_h_i_n_e _t_y_p_e _o_f _j_u_n_k _f_o_o_d. _A_l_s_o _a_v_a_i_l_a_b_l_e _a_t _s_u_p_e_r_- _m_a_r_k_e_t _c_h_e_c_k_o_u_t _c_o_u_n_t_e_r_s. _T_h_e_s_e _a_r_e _c_h_e_e_s_e-_f_l_a_v_o_r_e_d (_j_u_s_t _f_l_a_v_o_r_e_d, _n_o _r_e_a_l _c_h_e_e_s_e) _c_r_a_c_k_e_r_s _f_i_l_l_e_d _w_i_t_h _r_a_n_c_i_d _p_e_a_n_u_t _b_u_t_t_e_r _o_r _m_o_c_k-_c_h_e_e_s_e _s_p_r_e_a_d. _U_s_u_a_l_l_y _t_h_r_e_e _o_n_e-_s_q_u_a_r_e-_i_n_c_h _s_a_n_d_w_i_c_h_e_s _t_o _a _p_a_c_k_a_g_e. _D_o_u_b_l_e-_s_t_u_f_f_e_d _O_r_e_o_s: _A _b_r_a_n_d _o_f _c_o_o_k_i_e_s _m_a_d_e _b_y _N_a_b_i_s_c_o. _T_h_e_y _a_r_e `_s_a_n_d_w_i_c_h' _c_o_o_k_i_e_s, _t_w_o ~ _2 _i_n_c_h, _v_e_r_y _d_a_r_k, _s_u_p_p_o_s_e_d_l_y _c_h_o_c_o_l_a_t_e- _f_l_a_v_o_r _c_o_o_k_i_e_s, _w_i_t_h _a _v_a_n_i_l_l_a-_f_l_a_v_o_r_e_d _s_t_u_f_f_i_n_g. _T_h_e_y _a_r_e _v_e_r_y _c_o_m_m_o_n _i_n _t_h_e _U_S. _T_w_i_n_k_i_e_s: _Y_A _e_x_a_m_p_l_e _o_f _j_u_n_k _f_o_o_d. _T_h_e_s_e _a_r_e _s_m_a_l_l _c_a_k_e_s _f_i_l_l_e_d _w_i_t_h _s_o_m_e _s_o_r_t _o_f _c_u_s_t_a_r_d. _T_h_e_y _a_r_e _n_o_t _t_o_o _b_a_d (_t_a_s_t_e-_w_i_s_e). -- ____ Tim Pierce / "You are just naive and repressed because \ / twpierce@unix.amherst.edu / penis envy is here and it's now and it's \/ (BITnet: TWPIERCE@AMHERST) / all around you." -- Neal C. Wickham