From alt.folklore.computers Wed Nov 18 18:16:37 1992 Xref: daimi alt.folklore.computers:27877 rec.humor:60776 Newsgroups: alt.folklore.computers,rec.humor Path: daimi!dkuug!sunic!mcsun!uunet!charon.amdahl.com!pacbell.com!ames!elroy.jpl.nasa.gov!swrinde!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!wupost!gumby!destroyer!cs.ubc.ca!utcsri!skule.ecf!torn!ryelect!elf From: elf@ee.ryerson.ca (luis fernandes) Subject: _Wizardry_Compiled_ Message-ID: <1992Nov18.000337.16269@ee.ryerson.ca> Followup-To: rec.humor Summary: A compilation of sayings from the novel _Wizardry_Compiled_ Sender: news@ee.ryerson.ca Nntp-Posting-Host: eccles Organization: Ryerson Polytechnical Institute, Toronto Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 00:03:37 GMT Lines: 185 This is a compilation of sayings that preceed each chapter of _Wizardry_Compiled_, the sequel to _Wizard's_Bane_, by Rick Cook. The novel tells the adventures of a Silicon Valley hacker in a land where "Magic is real, unless declared integer." The following exchange (which takes place in a tent at a tournament of the Society of Chronogical Anachronisms) is memorable: "We need people with experience." "I've got experience," he [Thorkil du Libre Dragonwatcher, a teenage hacker looking to fill a job] protested. "I've worked in TOS 1.4, AmigaDOS and ProDOS." Jerry, who didn't consider a computer a computer unless it ran at least BSD Unix, winced. "Those are game machines." (Uh oh! Do I hear Peter reaching for his flamethrower ?) As is the existence of Emac, a gnome-line creature (daemon) used to edit spells, with a voice-input interface & mid-air output of glowing green letters... The novel is interesting, but I wouldn`t say "Run out and get it" but rather "If you come across it, give it a read". Some of the sayings won't mean much here because they're out of context. So, enjoy! -- luis fernandes ======================================================================== PART I: LOAD TIME 1. You can always tell a good idea by the enemies it makes. - programmer's axiom 2. Everything always takes twice as long and costs four times as much as you planned. - programmer's axiom 3. It's never the technical stuff that gets you in trouble. It's the personalities and the politics. - programmer's sayings 4. Those who can't do, teach. - article of faith among students And vice-versa. - programmer's addendum to students' article of faith 5. Living with a programmer is easy. All you need is the patience of a saint. - programmer's wives' saying 6. Applications programming is a race between software engineers, who strive to produce idiot-proof programs, and the Universe which strives to produce bigger idiots. - software engineers' saying So far, the Universe is winning. - applications programmers' saying 7. The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware type with a program patch and a user with an idea. - computer saying 8. You can't do just one thing. - Campbell's Law of everything 9. Friends come an go, but enemies accumulate. - Murphy's Law #1024 and sometimes the the real trick is telling the difference. - Murphy's Law #1024a 10. Whenever you use a jump, be sure of your destination address. - programmer's saying PART II: LINK TIME 11. Always secure your files. You never know who's lurking about. - programmer's saying 12. Never argue with a redhaired witch. It wastes your breath and only delays the inevitable. - the collected sayings of Wiz Zumwalt 13. If you eat a live toad first thing in the morning, nothing worse will happen all day long. - California saying To you or the toad. - Niven's restatement of California saying --well, most of the time, anyway... - programmer's caveat to Niven's restatement of California saying PART III: COMPILE 14. You never find out the whole story until after you've signed the contract. - programmer's saying 15. A jump gone awry is one of the hardest bugs to locate. - programmer's saying 16. You can't unscramble an egg. - old saying You can if you're powerful enough. - the collected sayings of Wiz Zumwalt 17. Magic is real, unless declared integer. - the collected sayings of Wiz Zumwalt 18. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. - Clarke's law Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology. - Murphy's reformulation of Clarke's law Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from a rigged demostration. - programmer's restatement of Murphy's reformulation of Clarke's law 19. Putting twice as many programmers on a project that is late will make it twice as late. - Brooks' law of programming projects 20. Never give a sucker an even break. - W. C. Fields Especially not if he's a big mean sucker. - the collected sayings of Wiz Zumwalt PART IV: RUN TIME 21. Sleep? Isn't that a completely inadequate substitute for caffine? - programmer's saying 22. Good client relations are the key to a successful project. - consultants' saying 23. At some time in the project you're going to have to break down and finally define the problem. - programmer's saying 24. Customer support is an art, not a science. - marketing saying So are most other forms of torture. - programmers' response 25. Programming is like pinball. The reward for doing it is the opportunity of doing it again. - programmers' saying ========================================================================